Del Mar Online Racing Community
A place to mingle, get to know one-another, and chat about topics that aren't directly horse-racing related.
So a Master Samurai, is looking for an Assistant Samurai. Three Samurai apply for the opening. An American Samurai, a Japanese Samurai and an Israeli Samurai. They are tested by the Master. Says the Master "Each one of you will be asked to come into my room, one at a time." "Do your best on a fly that I will release from a box." Who will be first?"
The American Samurai steps into the Master's room and takes his position. The Master raises the box, the fly takes off and the American takes two strokes with his sword and cuts the fly in half. "Impressive" says the Master, to the proud American Samurai.
Next the Japanese Samurai steps in. The Master raises the box, the fly takes off and the Japanese Samurai, takes two strokes with his sword and cuts the fly into quarters. "Very impressive," says the Master, to the proud Japanese Samurai.
Finally the Israeli Samurai steps into the room. The Master raises the box, the fly takes off, the Samurai takes two strokes with this sword, and then the fly takes off out the window. "Hmm, not very impressive" says the Master to the perplexed Israeli Samurai, "you didn't kill the fly!" "Kill the fly?" says the Israeli Samurai, "Oy, I thought you wanted him circumsized!!"
so this lady runs an ad in the local newspaper. looking for a man who wont hit me, looking for a man who wont run out on me and looking for a man who is good in bed. next day the doorbell rings she goes to the door and this guy is there with no arms or legs.
he says i am answering your add. she says im not sure youe are the right guy, why do you think you are? he says i cant hit you because i have no arms i cant run out on you bvecause i have no legs. she says what about the sex, he says lady how do you think i rang the door bell?
You know you drink too much coffee when . . .
-Juan Valdez names his mule after you.
-You chew on your roommate's fingernails.
-You do twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.
-You can't remember your second cup.
-You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
-Starbucks has a mortgage on your house.
-Your birthday is a national holiday in Columbia.
-You don't sweat - you percolate.
-You grind coffee beans in your mouth.
Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu.
A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu.
The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts.
However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws.
By analyzing these paint residues it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were killed by an impact with a car.
MTA then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills.
The Ornithological Behaviorist very quickly concluded the cause: when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger.
The conclusion was that while all the lookout crows could say "Cah", none could say "Truck."
Just read this is USA Baseball Weekly:
When Nationals manager Davey Johnson was axed if any of his players are dating Porn stars, he goes,
"None of my guys could, 'cause we can't score."
Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
Avatar: My cuzin Isaac Murphy - a jock I'm tying to emulate in character and winning percentage - almost 47% lifetime.
they lost by 3 points as a 13 point underdog. gave up only 13 points to the most powerful offense in football.
anyone who bet on the pats had to be fritting after about 10 minutes into the game, because the jets made
tom brady look very ordinary
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